Yesterday my companion and I had dinner at the home of one of the active member families in our ward (or local branch of church). It was a great experience; the atmosphere in the home was positive and happy. The patriarch of the home cooked an awesome meal for us, his lovely wife, and two beautiful daughters. I can tell there was such a great bond of unity and love in this family.

They invited us over for dinner with the intention that the father and us full time missionaries would go out afterward and find some of the less-active members of the ward (or in other words, the people who haven’t been at our Sunday service in long while) and share a spiritual thought with them and invite them back to church. So our dinner conversation, at least for a minute or two was on that topic.

As we talked the young wife and mother of this family, she expressed her feelings and concerns about how this work is being done by some members of the church worldwide.  I listened to her intently, knowing that she had personal experience in the matter, she once being less-active herself for a large portion of her adult life; I thought her insights would be valuable to me. And it turned out my instincts were correct.

A few of the things she said really stuck out to me. I’ll paraphrase, but she said when visiting less-active members, your message and demeanor can’t be that of “fire and brimstone.” The object isn’t to make them feel guilty in a hope to drag them back to church. And secondly all you are doing is making them feel worse about something they already feel bad about.

As I took it all in, I thought to myself “the ‘fire and brimstone’ tactic, if it were to work, would only reap temporary results anyways.  They might come that Sunday, or for a few Sundays, but unless they do it because they want to, they aren’t going to be truly converted. If we really want them to come back into the fold, we have to show an increase of love.

I decided to study it out when I got home. When I opened up my scriptures, my book mark was on 2 Corinthians chapter 9. But I felt that I should just start from the top the page, which was verse 17 of chapter 8. It reads:

“For indeed he (Titus) accepted the exhortation; but being more forward, of his own accord he went unto you.”

Upon first glance what I learned was that they must come back to us, of their own accord. Then, upon further study, I thought of how that applied to me, which was the key. If we want to make a difference in a person’s lives we can’t just teach, but we must love. We have to be a little less Pharisee, and a little more Titus.

What was his exhortation? It was to deliver the epistle of Paul to Corinth. But as stated in verse 16 “But thanks be to God which put the same earnest care in the heart of Titus for you.” In the church we call that earnest care “magnifying his calling.”

I love the phrase “come unto [them].” What does that mean? Yes, he went to Corinth to deliver the letter, but he also went “unto the [people].” I think it has something to do with call of the Savior Jesus Christ “Come unto me.” Do we just go to Him and say “sure, I believe?” Or do we go “unto Him” and have real faith in Him, love Him by keeping His commandments, and loving and serving those around us? Do we go “unto” our brethren of our own accord, out of love?

Fire and Brimstone is not the way. The Spirit teaches us otherwise. “But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, meekness, temperance, against such there is no law” (Galatians 5:22; emphasis added).

The Lord adds kindness, virtue and acting without hypocrisy or guile. “Reproving betimes with sharpness, when moved upon by the Holy Ghost, and then showing forth afterwards and increase of love to him whom thou hast reproved lest he esteem you as his enemy.” (Doctrine and Covenants 121:41-43).

“With sharpness.” Not meaning to hurt them, but think of a surgeon, as if using a sharp scalpel rather than a dull butter knife to make the incision. The sharper the tool, the cleaner the cut, the less painful the wound, and more easily ready to heal afterward.

“Let thy bowels also be filled with charity towards all men…” (Doctrine and Covenants 121:45). View these lost sheep the way the Savior views them; as precious souls, sons and daughters of the Father. View them as He views you; love them as He loves you. For “All we like sheep have gone astray” (Isaiah 53:6).